messy wisdom

It is Friday, March 24^th, 2017 about 1:27 pm. I haven’t eaten since 5 o’clock yesterday. I can feel my stomach churning and my bones becoming brittle but I don’t care. My desire to be loved overtakes my desire to eat. I sit in the library where no one notices me and think about how I will go today without food and maybe tomorrow because that’s what pretty girls do. I thought, maybe if I stopped eating he would love me. Maybe if I was a size zero he would love me. The room is spinning. Maybe if I went to the hospital he would realize how much he needs me. Maybe if my skin was one color he would love me. Maybe if I wasn’t a piece of crumpled paper torn to the size of paper cuts, he would love me. Maybe if I drove to the ends of the earth and back he would love me. Or maybe if I was a different girl he would love me. Maybe I would love me too.